Nthawi zina sitizindikira malire athu, ndipo nthawi zina, m'malo mwake, timachita zowawa pakuphwanya pang'ono. N’chifukwa chiyani zimenezi zikuchitika? Ndipo nchiyani chomwe chikuphatikizidwa mu malo athu aumwini?
Pali kumverera kuti m'dera lathu pali vuto la malire. Sitinazoloŵere kwambiri kumva ndi kuwateteza. Kodi mukuganiza kuti n’chifukwa chiyani timavutikabe ndi zimenezi?
Sofia Nartova-Bochaver: Zowonadi, chikhalidwe chathu chamalire chikadali chofooka. Pali zifukwa zabwino zochitira zimenezi. Choyamba, mbiri yakale. Ndinganene miyambo. Ndife dziko lachigwirizano, lingaliro la katolika lakhala lofunika kwambiri ku Russia. Anthu aku Russia, aku Russia nthawi zonse amagawana malo awo okhala ndi anthu ena.
Nthawi zambiri, iwo analibe malo awoawo achinsinsi kumene akanakhala okha ndi iwo eni. Kukonzekera kwa aliyense payekha kwa oyandikana nawo kunalimbikitsidwa ndi dongosolo la boma. Popeza tinkakhala mumkhalidwe wotsekedwa, malire akunja anali olimba, pamene amkati anali owonekera kotheratu. Izi zinayambitsa ulamuliro wamphamvu kwambiri ndi magulu a anthu.
Ngakhale zosankha zaumwini zozama ngati zimenezo, mwachitsanzo, kusudzulana kapena kusasudzulana, zinayenera kukambidwa ndi kuvomerezedwa kuchokera kumwamba.
Kulowerera kwamphamvu kumeneku m'moyo wamunthu kwatipangitsa kukhala osakhudzidwa konse ndi malire omwe timadziyika tokha komanso mosasamala. Tsopano zinthu zasintha. Kumbali imodzi, kudalirana kwa mayiko: tonse timayenda ndikuwona zikhalidwe zina. Kumbali ina, katundu wamba adawonekera. Choncho, nkhani ya malire yakhala yofunika kwambiri. Koma palibe chikhalidwe, palibe njira zotetezera malire, nthawi zina amakhala osatukuka pang'ono, akhanda kapena odzikonda kwambiri.
Nthawi zambiri mumagwiritsa ntchito lingaliro lotere monga ulamuliro wa munthu payekha, zomwe zimakukumbutsani nthawi yomweyo za ulamuliro wa boma. Mukuikamo chiyani?
Ponena za kufanana pakati pa dziko ndi munthu, kuli koyenera. Mkangano pakati pa anthu ndi mikangano yapakati pa mayiko imabwera pazifukwa zomwezo. Boma komanso anthu amagawana zinthu zosiyanasiyana. Ikhoza kukhala gawo kapena mphamvu. Ndipo kwa anthu ndi chidziwitso, chikondi, chikondi, kuzindikira, kutchuka ... Timagawana zonsezi nthawi zonse, choncho tiyenera kudziikira malire.
Koma mawu oti “ulamuliro” satanthauza kudzipatula, amatanthauzanso kudzilamulira. Sitimangomanga mpanda mozungulira dimba lathu, komanso timafunika kubzalapo kanthu m’mundamu. Ndipo zomwe zili mkati, tiyenera kuzidziwa bwino, kukhalamo, makonda. Choncho, ulamuliro ndi kudziyimira pawokha, kudziyimira pawokha, kudzidalira, ndipo panthawi imodzimodziyo ndi kudziletsa, kudzaza, kukhutira.
Chifukwa tikamanena za malire, nthawi zonse timatanthauza kuti timalekanitsa chinachake ndi chinachake. Sitingathe kulekanitsa kupanda pake ndi kupanda pake.
Kodi mbali zazikulu za ulamuliro ndi ziti?
Ndikufuna nditembenuzire apa kwa William James, woyambitsa pragmatism in psychology, yemwe ananena kuti, m’lingaliro lalikulu, umunthu wa munthu ndiwo chiŵerengero cha chirichonse chimene angachitcha chake. Osati kokha mikhalidwe yake yakuthupi kapena yamaganizo, komanso zovala zake, nyumba, mkazi, ana, makolo, mabwenzi, mbiri ndi ntchito, madera ake, akavalo, mabwato, mitu yaikulu.
Anthu amadzizindikiritsa okha, amayanjana ndi zomwe ali nazo. Ndipo iyi ndi mfundo yofunika.
Chifukwa, kutengera kapangidwe ka umunthu, mbali izi za chilengedwe zimatha kukhala zosiyana kotheratu.
Pali munthu amene amadzizindikiritsa yekha ndi lingaliro lake. Chifukwa chake, zikhalidwe zilinso gawo la danga lamunthu, lomwe limalimbikitsidwa chifukwa chaulamuliro. Tikhoza kutenga thupi lathu komweko, ndithudi. Pali anthu omwe thupi lawo ndi lamtengo wapatali kwambiri. Kukhudza, kaimidwe wovuta, kuphwanya zizolowezi zakuthupi - zonsezi ndizofunikira kwambiri kwa iwo. Iwo adzalimbana kuti zimenezi zisachitike.
Chigawo china chosangalatsa ndi nthawi. Zikuwonekeratu kuti tonse ndife anthu osakhalitsa, osakhalitsa. Zirizonse zomwe timaganiza kapena kumva, zimachitika nthawi ndi nthawi, popanda ife kulibe. Tingasokoneze moyo wa munthu mosavuta ngati tim’kakamiza kuchita zinthu zina osati zake. Komanso, nthawi zonse timagwiritsa ntchito zinthu za pamzere.
M’lingaliro lalikulu, malire ndi malamulo. Malamulo akhoza kunenedwa, kunenedwa, kapena kutanthauza. Zikuwoneka kwa ife kuti wina aliyense amaganiza chimodzimodzi, amamva chimodzimodzi. Timadabwa pamene mwadzidzidzi tikupeza kuti sizili choncho. Koma kawirikawiri, anthu si anthu ofanana.
Kodi mukuganiza kuti pali kusiyana m’lingaliro la ulamuliro, m’lingaliro la malire a amuna ndi akazi?
Mosakayikira. Polankhula zambiri za abambo ndi amai, tili ndi magawo omwe timakonda kwambiri pazathu. Ndipo zomwe zimayang'ana poyamba zimathandizidwa ndi kafukufuku wambiri: amuna amalamulira gawo, amayamikira komanso amakonda malo enieni. Ndipo akazi amakonda kwambiri «zosuntha». Kodi amayi amatanthauzira bwanji galimoto? Wachikazi kwambiri, ndikuganiza: galimoto yanga ndi chikwama changa chachikulu, ndi chidutswa cha nyumba yanga.
Koma osati kwa mwamuna. Ali ndi mayanjano osiyana kotheratu: ichi ndi katundu, uthenga wa mphamvu yanga ndi mphamvu yanga. Zilidi choncho. Oseketsa, akatswiri a zamaganizo Achijeremani kamodzi anasonyeza kuti apamwamba kudzidalira mwiniwake, ang'onoang'ono kukula injini galimoto yake.
Amuna amakhala osamala pankhani ya zizolowezi za regimen
Akazi ndi zolengedwa zosinthika, kotero ife, kumbali imodzi, timasintha zizolowezi zaulamuliro mosavuta, ndipo, kumbali ina, sitimakhumudwa kwambiri ngati chinachake chikuwalimbikitsa kusintha. Ndizovuta kwa amuna. Choncho, izi ziyenera kuganiziridwa. Ngati izi zizindikirika, ndiye kuti zitha kuwongoleredwa.
Kodi tingayankhe bwanji pamene tiona kuti malire athu aphwanyidwa? Mwachitsanzo, kuntchito kapena m’banja, timaona ngati munthu wina watilanda malo, amatinyalanyaza, amaganizira zimene timakonda komanso zimene timakonda, kapena kutikakamiza kuchita zinazake.
Kuchita bwino kwambiri ndikupereka ndemanga. Uku ndikuyankha moona mtima. Ngati "timeza" zomwe zimatidetsa nkhawa ndipo osapereka ndemanga, ndiye kuti sitikuchita moona mtima, motero timalimbikitsa khalidwe loipali. Wolankhula naye sangaganize kuti sitikukonda.
Kawirikawiri, njira zotetezera malire zingakhale zachindunji kapena zosalunjika. Ndipo apa zonse zimatengera zovuta zamunthu wa interlocutor. Ngati ana ang'onoang'ono kapena anthu omwe ali osavuta, akhanda amalankhulana wina ndi mzake, ndiye kuti yankho lothandiza kwambiri lidzakhala yankho lachindunji, kuwonetseratu. Munayimitsa galimoto yanu pamalo anga oimikapo magalimoto - eya, ndiye kuti nthawi ina ndidzayimitsa yanga m'malo mwanu. Mwaukadaulo zimathandiza.
Koma ngati mutathetsa mavuto oyenerera komanso mwayi wolonjeza kulankhulana ndi munthu uyu, izi, ndithudi, sizothandiza kwambiri.
Apa ndizothandiza kugwiritsa ntchito njira zosalunjika zodzitchinjiriza: malangizo, mayina, nkhanza, kuwonetsa kusagwirizana kwanu. Koma osati m'chinenero chomwe malo athu adaphwanyidwa, koma m'mawu, m'gawo lina, kupyolera mu kuchotsa, kupyolera mu kunyalanyaza okhudzana.
Tisaiwale kuti malire samangolekanitsa umunthu wathu ndi ena, amatetezanso anthu ena kwa ife. Ndipo kwa munthu wokhwima, izi ndi zofunika kwambiri.
Pamene Ortega y Gasset analemba za kuzindikira kwa anthu ambiri ndi za anthu omwe anawatcha "anthu ochuluka" mosiyana ndi olemekezeka, adanena kuti olemekezeka anali ndi chizolowezi choganizira ena, osati kusokoneza ena, komanso kunyalanyaza chitonthozo chake mwa ena. milandu payekha. Chifukwa mphamvu sizifuna umboni, ndipo munthu wokhwima akhoza kunyalanyaza ngakhale chovuta kwambiri kwa iyemwini - kudzidalira kwake sikudzagwa pa izi.
Koma ngati munthu amateteza malire ake mopweteka, ndiye kwa ife akatswiri a maganizo, ichi ndi chizindikiro cha fragility ya malire awa. Anthu otere amatha kukhala makasitomala a psychotherapist, ndipo psychotherapy imatha kuwathandiza. Nthawi zina zomwe timaganiza ngati kukhazikitsa ndi chinthu china kwathunthu. Ndipo nthawi zina mukhoza kunyalanyaza. Tikamalankhula za kufotokozera malire athu, nthawi zonse zimakhala zokhoza kufotokoza "Ndikufuna", "Ndikufuna", "Ndikufuna" ndikulimbitsa luso limeneli ndi luso la chikhalidwe cha kudziletsa.
Kuyankhulana kudalembedwa kwa projekiti yophatikizana ya magazini ya Psychologies ndi wailesi ya "Culture" "Mkhalidwe: mu ubale."