Psychology

Kodi munayamba mwamvapo kuti china chake sichili bwino muubwenzi wanu ndi mnzanu, koma simungathe kunena ndendende chomwe chiri? Zizindikiro zamavuto sizidziwikiratu nthawi zonse - pokhapokha ngati tikulankhula za chiwembu kapena nkhanza zakuthupi. Psychoanalyst Harriet Pappenheim pazizindikiro zisanu zaubwenzi sizoyenera kusunga.

Ndine wothandizira mabanja ndipo ndawonapo zovuta zambiri muubwenzi. Inde, okondedwa amatha kusintha, ndipo psychotherapy ikhoza kuwathandiza. Koma nthawi zina palibe chiyembekezo cha kusintha. Nazi zizindikiro zisanu zosonyeza kuti pali mavuto aakulu muubwenzi omwe sadzatha okha.

1. Makhalidwe osiyanasiyana a moyo

Palibe cholakwika ndi kusiyana kwa mabwenzi: mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya umunthu nthawi zambiri imathandizana. Tingaphunzire kanthu kenanso kwa munthu amene amaona moyo mosiyana. Koma pali kuchotserapo: ngati okondedwa sagawana mfundo zazikulu za moyo wa wina ndi mzake, ichi ndi chizindikiro choipa.

Kodi mumadziwa zikhalidwe zanu zazikulu, mutha kuzilemba? Yesani kuyankha mafunso otsatirawa: Kodi ntchito yanu ndi yofunika bwanji kwa inu? Mukufuna ana? Kodi ndinu achipembedzo? Kodi mumayamikira bwanji luso lazopangapanga kapena khama? Makhalidwe a moyo wa abwenzi samagwirizana 100 peresenti, koma ngati ali osiyana kwambiri ndipo palibe amene ali wokonzeka kunyengerera, mikangano idzabuka pazifukwa izi.

2. Kulephera kupepesa

Kukhoza kukonda kumaphatikizapo kuvomereza zolakwa za wokondedwa, ndipo aliyense ali nazo. Koma izi sizikutanthauza kuti okondedwa sayenera kupepesa. Kunena kuti "pepani", timasonyeza kuti sitili olondola nthawi zonse, timasonyeza kuti ndife okonzeka kuthetsa mikangano mwachitukuko.

N’zoona kuti ambiri zimawavuta kuletsa kunyada kwawo ndi kudzikakamiza kupepesa. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, zimenezi zingasinthe n’kukhala vuto: ena amayamba kukwiyira munthu amene sadziwa kupempha chikhululukiro.

Munthu wamkulu amamvetsetsa zolakwa zake, amazizindikira ndikuchitapo kanthu kuti athetse. Ngati izi sizinganene za mnzanuyo, izi ndi chifukwa chodetsa nkhawa. Zimenezi zingatanthauze kuti mwina sadziwa njira yothetsera mavuto amene angabuke kapena sakulemekezani. Zonsezi ndi chifukwa choganizira za tsogolo la maubwenzi.

3. Mbiri ya ubale womwe walephera

Ngati wokondedwa wakhala akuvutika kusunga maubwenzi opambana amtundu uliwonse (chikondi, banja, mabwenzi) - ichi ndi chizindikiro chowopsya.

4. Kusakhulupirirana

Kukhulupirirana kwathunthu sikumabwera nthawi yomweyo, koma pakapita nthawi kumakhala ulalo wofunikira kwambiri pakati pawo. Ngati mukupitirizabe kusamala ndi wokondedwa wanu, ganizirani chifukwa chake. Mwina mukuona kuti akukubisirani zinazake, kapena simukudziwa zambiri zokhudza iyeyo, koma iye sali wokonzeka kukuuzani. Ngati wokondedwa wanu sakukhulupirira kapena kunena zoona zonse za inu nokha, kapena simukumva kuti ndinu okonzeka kumukhulupirira, iyi ndi mbendera yofiira.

5. Chiwawa, kuyesa kulamulira, kukhala ndi chuma

Chiwawa chingathe kudziwonetsera m'njira zosiyanasiyana. Itha kuphatikizirapo kuyesa kuwongolera mwamphamvu mnzako, mwachitsanzo, pamene iye:

  • amafuna kuti muzilankhulana mochepa ndi abwenzi ndi achibale,
  • sichilemekeza malire anu,
  • amafuna kuti musiye ntchito, maphunziro, zokonda,
  • amakunenerani kuti ndinu osakhulupirika kapena amafuna kuti nthawi zonse azidziwa komwe muli,
  • akutenga ndalama kapena kulowa ngongole pa kirediti kadi,
  • amakudzudzulani mosalekeza kapena kunena kuti palibe amene amakufunaninso.

Ichi ndi chifukwa chothetsa chibwenzi nthawi yomweyo.

***

Maganizo osayenera kwa wina ndi mzake angadziwonetsere m'njira zambiri ndipo nthawi zambiri amabweretsa kusweka kwa maubwenzi. Koma nthawi zambiri, munthu akhoza kusintha, choncho ndi bwino kuzindikira mavuto omwe angakhalepo mwamsanga ndikukambirana momasuka ndi mnzanu.

Ndiuzeni chomwe chikukudetsani nkhawa. Yesetsani kuchita popanda zongoganizira ndi zongoganizira: lembani mawu ndi zochita zomwe mukuganiza kuti sizoyenera, fotokozani momwe zimakupangitsani kumva, ndipo mvetserani mosamala yankho. Ngati simungapeze kunyengerera, kungakhale koyenera kulumikizana ndi psychotherapist, atha kuthandizira kuthetsa mavuto ndikusunga ubale.

Siyani Mumakonda