Kodi chiopsezo cha "msungwana wabwino" syndrome

N’chifukwa chiyani nthawi zambiri timamva nkhani zochitira nkhanza amayi? Makamaka chifukwa chakuti anthu amanyalanyazabe nkhanza za amuna ndipo nthawi zina zimasiya popanda chilango. Nthawi zimene amuna ankaona akazi awo ndi ana awo aakazi ngati katundu wawo ndipo akanatha kuchita nawo mmene iwo amafunira zinapita kalekale, koma tifunikabe kukumana ndi mikhalidwe yofanana ndi imeneyi ndi kufunafuna chilango choyenera kwa olakwa.

• Malinga ndi zomwe bungwe la WHO linanena, pafupifupi azimayi atatu (30%) padziko lapansi amachitiridwa nkhanza zochitidwa ndi bwenzi lake lapamtima kapena nkhanza zochitidwa ndi munthu wina panthawi ya moyo wawo.

• Padziko lonse lapansi, amayi 37 pa XNUMX aliwonse omwe ali pa maubwenzi amanena kuti amachitiridwa nkhanza zakuthupi kapena zakugonana ndi okondedwa awo pa moyo wawo wonse.

• Kufikira 38% ya kuphedwa kwa akazi padziko lonse lapansi kumachitika ndi amuna omwe amagonana nawo *.

Nkhanza nthawi zambiri zimathera amuna. Mwachiwonekere sikukwanira kokwanira kusintha izi. Koma pali chifukwa china chimene akazi amachitiridwa nkhanza—amayesetsa kwambiri kuti akhale abwino. Izi zimawapangitsa kukhala osavuta kuchitiridwa chipongwe, nkhanza zamakhalidwe, kumenyedwa ndi kugwiriridwa. Azimayi otere sadziwa momwe angadzitetezere okha ndikusiya maubwenzi osayenera kapena owopsa.

Kukhala “msungwana wabwino” kumawonjezera mpata wochitiridwa nkhanza, koma sizitanthauza kuti mkazi amaputa mwamuna kuchita zinthu zonyansa. Zimenezi sizikutanthauza kuti iye ali ndi mlandu. Zimangotanthauza kuti mkazi yemwe ali wolondola kwambiri komanso womvera amapereka chizindikiro chenicheni kwa amuna omwe amakonda kugwiriridwa ndi chiwawa.

Chowonadi chowawa ndi chakuti akazi sayenera kukhala atsikana abwino. Izi ndizowopsa. Inde, tili ndi udindo woweruza amuna omwe amagwiritsira ntchito mphamvu molakwika ndi kuwalanga, koma pakadali pano, akazi akupitirizabe kuvutika.

Tsoka ilo, pali anthu ambiri padziko lapansi (amuna ndi akazi) omwe sangalephere kusewera pa zofooka za wina. M’malingaliro awo, kukoma mtima ndi kuwolowa manja ndi zophophonya. Inde, sikuti aliyense amakumana ndi mnzake yemwe angamunyoze m'maganizo, kumunyoza kapena kumumenya, koma mkazi aliyense wotere ali pachiwopsezo.

"Asungwana abwino" ndi ndani?

Mkazi woteroyo amasamala kwambiri za mmene ena amachitira naye kuposa mmene iye amachitira. Amasamala kwambiri za maganizo a ena osati ake. Amafuna kukondedwa ndi anthu onse ndipo saganizira zofuna zake.

Buku lotanthauzira mawu limapereka mawu ofanana ndi mawu akuti «zabwino»: osamala, osangalatsa, omvera, omvera, okoma, okoma, achifundo, okondana, osangalatsa. Amalongosola ndendende zomwe «msungwana wabwino» ali. Ambiri a iwo amapita kunja kuti adziwike mwanjira imeneyo. Koma kwenikweni, ma epithets osiyanasiyana amafanana ndi chithunzichi. Azimayi otere:

• Womvera. Iwo amachita zimene auzidwa. Iwo aphunzira: kuchita monga zikunenedwa n'kosavuta kuposa kutsutsa;

• Zosasintha. Amawopa kudziyimira okha, choncho ndi osavuta kuwongolera ndikukankhira mozungulira. Amakonda kukhala chete modzichepetsa kuopa kukhumudwitsa wina kapena kuopa kudzivulaza;

• Wofooka-kufuna. Amaopa kulimbana kotero kuti lero amanena chinthu china, ndipo mawa chinanso. Pofuna kukondweretsa aliyense, amavomerezana ndi munthu mmodzi, amatembenuza madigiri a 180 ndipo nthawi yomweyo amavomerezana ndi mdani wake;

• Ndi achinyengo. Amawopa kuvomereza zomwe akumva, motero amanamizira. Amanamizira kuti amakonda munthu amene ali wosasangalatsa. Amanamizira kuti akufuna kupita kwinakwake pomwe sakufuna kwenikweni.

Kuwaimba mlandu chifukwa cha khalidweli n’kosaloleka monganso kuimba mlandu anthu ochitiridwa nkhanza chifukwa choyambitsa ziwawazo. Amachita zimenezi pazifukwa zabwino, kuphatikizapo chikhalidwe cha chikhalidwe, maganizo a makolo, ndi zochitika zaubwana. Kuphatikiza apo, matenda a "msungwana wabwino" ali ndi magwero anayi akuluakulu.

1. Tizilombo toyambitsa matenda

Azimayi ambiri amakhala oleza mtima, achifundo ndipo amakonda mtendere woipa kusiyana ndi mkangano wabwino. Pulofesa wa pa yunivesite ya Harvard, Carol Gilligan, anafika ponena kuti chodabwitsa chimene aliyense ankachitcha kugonjera kwa akazi, kaŵirikaŵiri chimakhala chofunikira kupeza yankho limene lingagwirizane ndi aliyense.

Kafukufuku wa University of California anapeza kuti akazi ali ndi makhalidwe ambiri, mosiyana ndi amuna, omwe ali ndi zisankho ziwiri: "kumenyana" kapena "kuthawa." Kupsinjika maganizo kumayendera limodzi ndi kutulutsidwa kwa oxytocin, yomwe imapangitsa kuti mkazi asachite zotupa komanso amamupangitsa kuganizira za ana, komanso kufunafuna chithandizo kwa amayi ena.

2. Malingaliro a anthu omwe amapangidwa motengera chilengedwe

Atsikana amayenera kukhala aulemu, olemekezeka, akhalidwe labwino komanso omasuka. Ndiye kuti, amapangidwa mwachisawawa "zamitundu yonse ya maswiti, makeke ndi maswiti." Tsoka ilo, m’mabanja ndi m’zikhalidwe zambiri, mkazi amafunikirabe kukondweretsa aliyense, kukhala wopanda dyera, wachikondi, wodekha, ndi kukhalira moyo kaamba ka ena.

Kuphatikiza apo, msungwana wachinyamata amaphunzitsidwa kuti kuti mukwaniritse izi, muyenera kusiya kukhala nokha. Posakhalitsa amatseka kwenikweni ndikubisa malingaliro ake. Iye ali ndi ntchito: kuyesa kukondweretsa ena, makamaka anthu omwe si amuna kapena akazi anzawo.

3. Zokonda pabanja

Achibale amatiuza maganizo awo pa moyo. M'malo mwake, timatengera chilichonse: kuyambira pachiyanjano mpaka kumvetsetsa udindo wa akazi m'banja. Zikhulupiriro izi zimapanga kaganizidwe kathu, khalidwe ndi kawonedwe ka dziko.

Pali zochitika zingapo m'banja zomwe zimakhudzidwa ndi "msungwana wabwino":

• bambo wankhanza ndi wopondereza kapena mchimwene wake wamkulu,

• amayi opanda msana,

• kuleredwa mu mwambo wa misogyny,

• makolo amene amaumirira kuti ayenera kudziletsa, wachifundo ndi wachikondi.

Mwachitsanzo, lamulo labodza lakuti zofuna za ena zikhala patsogolo pa zofuna za munthu kaŵirikaŵiri limaphunziridwa kunyumba. Zimapangidwa pa chitsanzo cha mayi wopanda msana kapena wodalira amene amadzipereka yekha kaamba ka banja lake kapena mwamuna wake ndipo samalingalira zosoŵa zake. Kuyang'ana pa iye, mtsikanayo mwamsanga amaphunzira kuti mkazi wamakhalidwe, mkazi ndi amayi ayenera kuiwala za iye yekha ndi kukhala mu dzina la zabwino za munthu wina.

Zimachitika mwanjira ina: mkazi amalandira malingaliro omwewo kuchokera kwa makolo odzikonda kapena ankhanza omwe amangokhalira kukondweretsa okha, kunyalanyaza zosowa za mwanayo. Mtsikana wokulira m’mikhalidwe yoteroyo amayamba kuganiza kuti kukhala bwino kwake kumadalira ngati adzatha kukhutiritsa zokhumba za ena.

4. Zokumana nazo zaumwini zochokera pazomwe zidakumana nazo m'mbuyomu

Si zachilendo kwa atsikanawa kuzunzidwa m’maganizo, mwakuthupi kapenanso pakugonana paubwana wawo kapena unyamata wawo. Kuzunzidwa kwa makolo ndi kunyalanyazidwa kumapanga malingaliro olakwika a dziko lapansi ndi zizolowezi zoipa zomwe zimakakamiza mkazi kukhala "msungwana wabwino". Pamapeto pake, omwe ali ndi syndrome iyi:

• amadziimba mlandu pa chilichonse chomwe chimalakwika

• kudzikayikira okha, chidziwitso chawo, malingaliro awo ndi malingaliro awo,

• khulupirirani mwakhungu mawu a anthu ena, ngakhale munthu atawakhumudwitsa kangapo;

• kulungamitsa mopanda nzeru zolinga zenizeni za zochita za wina,

• amakhulupirira kuti ali okakamizika kukhutiritsa zilakolako za anthu ena, ngakhale kuvulaza iwo eni.

Koma chinthu chachikulu chomwe chimayambitsa chitukuko cha "msungwana wabwino" ndi mantha.

Kodi akazi amaopa chiyani?

Pali zifukwa zambiri zamantha, koma nthawi zambiri zimakhala chifukwa chakuti akazi ndi ofooka kugonana, makamaka mwakuthupi. Amuna ambiri ndi amphamvudi, choncho n’zosadabwitsa kuti amatha kuopseza akazi. Mwina sitingazindikire, koma mantha alipo.

Choletsa china ndi mbolo, chida chachibadwa chachimuna. Amuna ambiri saganiza za izo, ndipo akazi ambiri samalingalira izo. Komabe, mbolo yoyima imagwiritsidwa ntchito polowera, kupweteka komanso mphamvu. Apanso, akazi samazindikira kuti mantha akalewa amakhala mwa iwo.

"Tikudziwa" kuti chitetezo chathu chili m'manja mwa anthu. Ngati tingayambe kukangana nawo, angakwiye ndipo angatilange. Ngakhale kuti amuna ambiri samapezerapo mwayi pa kuposa akazi mwakuthupi, kuthekera kwa chiwopsezo kulipobe.

Chifukwa chachiwiri cha mantha aakulu achikazi chagona mu ulamuliro wokhazikitsidwa kale wa amuna. M'mbiri yonse ya anthu, mphamvu zakuthupi zakhala zikugwiritsidwa ntchito kugonjetsa wotsutsa ndi kusonyeza mphamvu.

Amuna nthawi zonse akhala amphamvu kuposa akazi ambiri ndipo, kupatulapo kawirikawiri, ali ndi malo apamwamba m'chitaganya. Choncho, akazi akhala akuwukiridwa ndi kuwopsezedwa ndi amuna kwa zaka mazana ambiri ndipo, motero, anakakamizika kuwaopa.

Kufikira posachedwapa, chiwawa cha m’banja sichinalingaliridwa kukhala chinthu chachilendo. Zotsalira zakale zimasungidwabe m'mayiko ena, mwachitsanzo, ku India ndi mbali ina ku Africa, mkazi samatengedwa ngati munthu wokwanira: bambo ake, ndiyeno mwamuna wake amamuyang'anira.

Ngakhale kuti ayesetsa kwambiri kuti aletse nkhanza za m’banja ndi kugwiriridwa kwa ana, maupandu aŵiri ameneŵa akadali ofala padziko lonse lapansi. Monga kale, amuna amazunza akazi awo, ndipo kugwiriridwa kwa ana kukuwonjezereka.

Mtsikana kapena mkazi amene amachitiridwa nkhanza—m’thupi, m’maganizo, kapena mwachisembwere—akuchita manyazi ndi mantha. Ambiri a iwo amazunzika ndi mantha oti angakhalenso mumkhalidwe womwewo. Ngakhale amachitanso zinthu mosazindikira, ndiyo njira yosavuta yolumikizira mtsikana ndikumuwopseza kuti amuvulaza.

Manthawa ndi omwe ali muzu wa ambiri, kapena si onse, a zikhulupiriro zabodza zomwe zimapanga matenda a "msungwana wabwino". Choncho, akazi ambiri amazengereza kuthetsa ubale wopweteka, ngakhale akudziwa kuti ayenera. Sikuti ndi ofooka, opusa kapena okonda masochism omwe amasangalala ndi kuzunzika. Amaopa zonse zomwe zanenedwa pamwambapa. Koma ngati mkazi amatha kumvetsetsa zomwe zimamuwopsyeza, kumverera kwamanyazi chifukwa cha khalidwe lake "loipa" pang'onopang'ono limasiya.

Ngati ndinu mtundu wa mkazi amene watopa ndi kukhala «msungwana wabwino», yang'anani mantha anu. Izi zidzakuthandizani kumvetsetsa nokha, kudzikhululukira nokha, kupeza chiyembekezo ndi kufuna kusintha.

^{*Webusayiti ya World Health Organisation}

^{Gwero: Bukhu la Beverly Angel «Good Girl Syndrome: Momwe mungachotsere malingaliro oyipa kuyambira ubwana, kuvomereza ndikudzikonda nokha»}