Amene amalota za ubwenzi amakopeka ndi amene amawaopseza. Iwo omwe amateteza mwamphamvu ufulu wawo amakopeka ndi omwe nthawi zonse amasokoneza malo awo. Sizikumveka zomveka, koma ndi chibadidwe mwa ife. Nchiyani chimatipangitsa kuti tiyambe kukondana ndi zibwenzi zomwe sizikupezeka ndipo pali mwayi wosintha izi? Anatero katswiri wa zamaganizo Kyle Benson.
Kulumikizana kuli ngati batani lalikulu la mantha mu ubongo. Moyo ukayamba kuyenda, sipafunika kutero. Timapanga mikate ya Isitala, timasonkhanitsa masamba a masamba, timasewera. Kapena timakumana ndi anzathu, kupanga mapulani, kupita kuntchito ndikusangalala tsiku lililonse.
Koma chinachake choipa chikuchitika: timagwa ndikuthyola bondo lathu. Wopezerera kusukulu amatikankhira ndipo timagwetsa chakudya chathu chamasana pansi. Abwana akukuopsezani kuti akuchotsani ntchito. Zokumana nazo zoyipazi zimabweretsa nkhawa komanso nkhawa, ndipo nkhawa imayambitsa batani lathu ladzidzidzi.
Ndipo amatumiza chizindikiro: funa ubwenzi. Timapeza maubwenzi omwe amatithandizira - kapena m'malo, zomwe timaganiza tokha. Ndipo ichi ndi chododometsa: chiyanjano, popanda chomwe sitikanatha kupulumuka ubwana, chimayamba kuchita nthabwala zankhanza ndi ife. Ngati tidzipenda molakwika, ndiye kuti timapeza chitonthozo mu maubwenzi ndi omwe amatiyesa momwemo.
Njira Zitatu za Ubale
Kukondana komwe tidakhala nako kwa amayi athu paubwana kumapereka njira imodzi mwamaubwenzi atatu.
1.
Healthy strategy (zotetezedwa)
Malinga ndi kafukufuku wa akatswiri a zamaganizo, osapitirira 50% amagwiritsa ntchito njirayi. Anthu oterowo amakumana mosavuta ndi kulankhulana ndi ena. Iwo samamva kukhala omasuka pamene wina amadalira pa iwo, ndipo iwo eniwo samawopa kutaya ufulu wawo. Amaona ena ndi iwo eni motsimikiza. Ngati chinachake sichikugwirizana ndi wokondedwa mu chiyanjano, amakhala okonzeka nthawi zonse kukambirana.
2.
Manipulative strategy (zodetsa nkhawa)
Anthu awa akufunafuna kwambiri ubwenzi. Cholinga chawo ndikuphatikizana kwathunthu. Nthawi zambiri amadandaula kuti wokondedwa wawo samawakonda mokwanira, amawopa kukhala okha.
Anthu amtundu wotere amadzichepetsera okha ndikuyika ena pamaziko, amachita chilichonse kuti akwaniritse zomwe anthu amafunikira kwa iwo. Wokonda mwachilendo, nthawi zonse kufunafuna chitsimikiziro chakunja cha mtengo wawo, chifukwa iwo eni samamva.
3.
"Ndisiye ndekha" njira (pewani mtundu)
Samasuka kukhala ndi maubwenzi apamtima, sakonda kudalira ena ndipo amakonda kuti palibe amene amawadalira. Ataphunzira kuchokera m’zokumana nazo zawo kuti kukhala paubwenzi kumadzetsa mavuto okha, iwo amayesetsa kukhala paokha ndi kukhala wokhutira.
Anthu oterowo amadziona ngati apamwamba, ndipo ena molakwika. Amakonda kugwiritsa ntchito kusatetezeka kwa anthu okondana mopambanitsa kuti alimbikitse ukulu wawo.
Ndani amasankha ndani komanso chifukwa chiyani
Ngati muphunzira mosamala njira zitatuzi - monga momwe tawerengera kale mkhalidwe wa vuto kusukulu - zidzawonekeratu kuti misonkhano yathu yonse yowonjezereka ndi masautso "zakhazikitsidwa" kale m'menemo.
Anthu omwe ali ndi mitundu iwiri yomaliza ya chiyanjano amakopeka wina ndi mzake, ngakhale zikuwonekeratu kuti ubale wawo uyenera kuwononga. Chofunika koposa, amakana bwenzi lake mpaka atasintha malingaliro ake abwino kwa iwo ku zomwe amayembekezera kwa iye.
Koma bwanji za anthu omwe ali ndi mtundu woyamba wa chiyanjano? Akuyang'ana anthu omwe ali ndi mtundu womwewo wathanzi, wotetezeka.
Zingawonekere, chifukwa chiyani sizingatheke kuti mtundu wachiwiri kapena wachitatu ukumane ndi woyamba? Misonkhano yotereyi imachitika, koma anthu oterowo sakhala ndi kukopana, chidwi chomwe chingawasunge pamodzi.
Zoyenera kuchita? Choyamba, mvetsetsani mtundu wanji wazomwe muli nazo. Ichi ndiye chinsinsi chopezera ndi kusunga maubwenzi ngati simunathe m'mbuyomu. Ngati mupitiliza kukhala pachibwenzi ndi "olakwika", chifukwa chachikulu chikadali mwa inu.
Nanga n’cifukwa ciani timayamba kukondana ndi mabwenzi amene alibe maganizo?
1.
Anthu otere amakhala odziyimira pawokha, amapondereza bwino malingaliro awo, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti amatha kuziziritsa kwa okondedwa awo ndikuthetsa chibwenzi - ndipo alinso pakati pa omwe akufunafuna mnzawo.
Anthu omwe ali ndi mtundu wotetezeka wolumikizidwa samayamba misonkhano yayitali komanso kusaka. Kumverera kuti kwambiri «umagwirira», iwo amasankha kuti bwenzi zimayenera iwo, ndi kumvetsera kwa nthawi yaitali ubwenzi. Ndicho chifukwa chake iwo ndi ovuta kwambiri kupeza - samalowa mumsika wa chibwenzi, ndipo akachoka, amakhalapo kwa nthawi yochepa ndipo nthawi yomweyo "kukhazikika" muubwenzi watsopano.
Kuphatikiza apo, anthu osowa m'maganizo pafupifupi samakumananso chimodzimodzi monga iwo eni: palibe amene amafuna kuyika ndalama muubwenzi.
Mukayika zidutswa zonse za chithunzicho palimodzi, zimakhala kuti mwayi wokumana ndi bwenzi losapezekapo ndi wokwera kwambiri. Komabe, samapanga ubale wina ndi mzake chifukwa amafunikira malo ndi ufulu wodzilamulira, samakumana ndi anthu omwe ali ndi chiyanjano chotetezeka, chifukwa anthu oterowo sakhala pamsika kwa nthawi yaitali - ndiye amakopa ndani? Kalanga, ogwirizana ndi mtundu wodetsa nkhawa womwe umalakalaka ubwenzi wapamtima.
2.
Timawapeza okongola kwambiri
Nthawi zambiri sitizindikira kuti mabwenzi omwe timawakonda kwambiri ndi omwe angangowonjezera kudzikayikira kwathu. Ndi malingaliro athu achikondi omwe amakopa mabwenzi apadera kwa ife.
Kumayambiriro kwa ubale, "wodziyimira pawokha", wokondedwa yemwe sapezeka m'malingaliro amatumiza zizindikiro zosakanikirana: amayitana, koma osati nthawi zonse, samabisa chifundo chake, koma nthawi yomweyo amawonekeratu kuti akadali kufunafuna.
Anzanu omwe ali ndi chidwi samasewera movutikira. M'dziko lawo, palibe zosiyidwa mwachinsinsi.
Njira iyi ndi yopindulitsa kwambiri: polandira uthenga wosamveka bwino wotsutsana, "wosowa" yemwe ali ndi chidaliro chodetsa nkhaŵa amatengeka ndi chiyanjano. Mabwenzi, zokonda, zokonda ndi ntchito zimazimiririka.
3.
M'mabwenzi ofikirako, timasowa "moto"
Tiyerekeze kuti tinali ndi mwayi ndipo tinakumana ndi munthu yemwe ubwana wake unali wosavuta komanso wodekha, ndipo maganizo ake a dziko lapansi ndi ophweka komanso otseguka. Kodi tidzazindikira kuti tawina lotale, kapena tidzaona kuti chinachake chikusoweka muubwenzi wathu ndi munthu woteroyo?
Anzathu ofikiridwa samasewera movutikira kapena kuponya chilichonse pamapazi athu kuti atigonjetse. M'dziko lawo, palibe zosiyidwa mwachinsinsi komanso kukayikira, kudikirira kowawa.
Pafupi ndi munthu woteroyo, ndife odekha, ndipo sitikhulupirira kuti ndiye yekhayo, chifukwa "palibe chomwe chikuchitika", chifukwa maganizo athu sali okwera, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti timatopa. Ndipo chifukwa cha ichi, timadutsa anthu odabwitsadi.
Zokwera ndi zotsika, zokayikitsa ndi zosangalatsa, ndi kudikira kosalekeza mu maubwenzi ndi anthu omwe alibe maganizo siziyenera kuganiziridwa ndi chilakolako kapena chikondi. Zikuwoneka zofanana kwambiri, koma ndikhulupirireni, si iye. Musalole kuti akukopeni inu. Ndipo, ziribe kanthu kuti ndizovuta bwanji, yesetsani kumvetsetsa njira zokopa zomwe zimayikidwa mwa ife ndi ubwana wathu. Ndikhulupirireni, ndizotheka. Ndipo maunansi abwino m’maganizo angadzetse chimwemwe chochuluka.
Kyle Benson ndi katswiri wazamisala wabanja komanso mlangizi.