Pamene nsanje yoyaka, kudziimba mlandu, nkhawa, kapena kutengeka kwina kumapangitsa moyo wanu kukhala wovuta, yesani kudziwa zomwe zidayambitsa. Mwina sizowona zenizeni komanso zovulaza? Ntchito yozindikira ndi kuchepetsa malingaliro oterowo imachitidwa ndi akatswiri odziwa zamaganizo-khalidwe, koma zina zingathe kuchitidwa nokha. Katswiri wa zamaganizo wotchedwa Dmitry Frolov akufotokoza.
Pali malingaliro masauzande ambiri omwe amayenda m'maganizo mwathu nthawi zonse. Ambiri a iwo amawuka popanda chikhumbo chathu chozindikira. Nthawi zambiri zimakhala zogawanika, zachidule komanso zowoneka bwino, zitha kukhala zenizeni kapena sizingakhale zenizeni. Inde, n’zosamveka kusanthula chilichonse mwa izo.
Dziwani chifukwa chake
Ngati muwona kuti malingaliro anu akukuvutitsani, ndiye zindikirani momwe mukumvera ndikudzifunsa kuti: "Kodi ndi chiyani chomwe ndikuganiza pakali pano chomwe chingayambitse kutengeka kumeneku?" Pambuyo popenda malingaliro amene mwapeza, mosakayika mudzatha kulimbana ndi vutolo. Mu rational-emotional behaviour therapy (REBT), zikhulupiriro zopanda nzeru zimawonedwa ngati zomwe zimayambitsa kutengeka maganizo, pali zinayi mwa izo:
- ntchito
- Global Assessment
- Masautso
- Kukhumudwitsa.
1. Zofunikira ("muyenera")
Izi ndizofuna absolutist kwa ife tokha, ena, ndi dziko kuti zigwirizane ndi zilakolako zathu. "Anthu azindikonda nthawi zonse ngati ndikufuna", "Ndiyenera kuchita bwino", "ndisavutike", "amuna azipeza ndalama". Kusamveka kwa zofunazo kumakhala chifukwa chakuti n'kosatheka kutsimikizira kuti chinachake "chiyenera" kapena "chiyenera" kukhala chotere osati mwanjira ina. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, "chofunikira" ndichofala kwambiri, chofunikira pakati pa zikhulupiriro zonse, n'zosavuta kuzizindikira mwa munthu amene akuvutika maganizo, mtundu wina wa matenda ovutika maganizo, kapena mtundu wina wa kuledzera.
2. "Kuwunika kwapadziko lonse"
Uku ndikudziwonetsera nokha ndi ena monga munthu kapena dziko lonse lapansi: "mnzako ndi wopusa", "Ndine wotayika", "dziko ndi loipa". Cholakwika ndichakuti timakhulupirira kuti zinthu zovuta zimatha kuchepetsedwa kukhala mawonekedwe ophatikizika.
3. “Zoopsa” (“zowopsa”)
Uku ndiye kuganiza kwamavuto ngati koyipa kwambiri. "Ndizowopsa ngati anzanga sandikonda", "ndizowopsa ngati atandichotsa ntchito", "mwana wanga akapeza deuce pamayeso, zikhala tsoka!". Chikhulupirirochi chili ndi lingaliro lopanda nzeru la chochitika choyipa ngati chinthu choyipa kwambiri, chofanana ndi kutha kwa dziko. Koma palibe chinthu choyipa kwambiri padziko lapansi, nthawi zonse pamakhala china choyipa kwambiri. Inde, ndipo pa chochitika choipa pali mbali zabwino kwa ife.
4. Kukhumudwa Kusalolera
Ndilo lingaliro la zinthu zovuta kukhala zovuta kuzipirira. “Sindingapulumuke akandichotsa ntchito,” “ngati andisiya, sindingathe kupirira!”. Ndiko kuti, ngati chochitika chosayenera chikachitika kapena chokhumba sichichitika, ndiye kuti kuzunzika kosatha ndi zowawa zidzayamba. Chikhulupiriro chimenechi n’chopanda nzeru chifukwa palibe kuzunzika koteroko komwe sikukanafooketsedwa kapena kutha. Komabe, sizimathandiza kokha kuthetsa vutolo.
Tsutsani zikhulupiriro zopanda nzeru
Aliyense ali ndi zikhulupiriro zopanda nzeru, zokhwima, zopanda nzeru. Funso lokhalo ndiloti timatha kuthana nawo mwachangu bwanji, kuwamasulira kukhala oganiza bwino komanso osagonja. Ntchito yambiri yomwe REBT psychotherapist amachita ndikutsutsa malingaliro awa.
Vuto "liyenera" kumatanthauza kumvetsetsa kuti ife eni, kapena anthu ena, kapena dziko lapansi sitili okakamizika kugwirizana ndi zilakolako zathu. Koma mwamwayi, tingayese kudzisonkhezera tokha, anthu ena, ndi dziko kuti tikwaniritse zokhumba zathu. Pozindikira izi, munthu akhoza m'malo zofunika absolutist mu mawonekedwe a "ayenera", "ayenera", "ayenera", "zofunika", "zofunika" ndi chikhumbo chanzeru "Ndikufuna kuti anthu azikonda", "Ndikufuna kuchita bwino / kupeza ndalama." ”.
Chotsani "Global Assessment" ndikumvetsetsa kuti palibe amene angakhale "woyipa", "wabwino", "wotayika" kapena "wozizira". Aliyense ali ndi ubwino, kuipa kwake, zomwe wapindula ndi zolephera, kufunikira kwake ndi kukula kwake komwe kumakhala kokhazikika komanso kogwirizana.
Zovuta "zowopsa" Mungadzikumbutse kuti ngakhale kuti pali zochitika zambiri zoipa kwambiri padziko lapansi, palibe chimene chingaipitsepo.
Kulimbana ndi "kukhumudwa kusalolera", tidzafika pa lingaliro lakuti palidi zinthu zambiri zovuta kuzimvetsa m’dziko, koma palibe chimene chinganenedwe kukhala chosapiririka kwenikweni. Mwanjira imeneyi timafooketsa zikhulupiriro zopanda nzeru ndi kulimbikitsa zoganiza bwino.
Mwachidziwitso, izi zikuwoneka zophweka komanso zosavuta. M'machitidwe, ndizovuta kwambiri kukana zikhulupiriro zomwe zatengedwa kuyambira ubwana kapena unyamata - motsogozedwa ndi makolo, malo akusukulu komanso zomwe takumana nazo. Ntchitoyi ndi yothandiza kwambiri pogwirizana ndi psychotherapist.
Koma kuyesa kukayikira malingaliro anu ndi zikhulupiriro zanu - kukonzanso, kusintha - nthawi zina, mutha kuchita nokha. Izi zimachitidwa bwino polemba, kutsutsa chikhulupiriro chilichonse sitepe ndi sitepe.
1. Dziwani momwe mukumvera poyambazomwe mukumva pano (mkwiyo, nsanje kapena, tinene, kukhumudwa).
2. Dziwani ngati ali wathanzi kapena ayi. Ngati zilibe thanzi, ndiye yang'anani zikhulupiriro zopanda nzeru.
3. Kenako zindikirani chomwe chidachiyambitsa: sanalandire uthenga wochokera kwa munthu wofunika, sanamuyamikire pa tsiku lake lobadwa, sanaitanidwe ku phwando linalake, pa tsiku. Muyenera kumvetsetsa kuti chochitika ndi choyambitsa chabe. Ndipotu, sizochitika zenizeni zomwe zimatikhumudwitsa, koma zomwe timaganizira, momwe timatanthauzira.
Choncho, ntchito yathu ndi kusintha maganizo pa zimene zikuchitika. Ndipo chifukwa cha izi - kumvetsetsa mtundu wa chikhulupiriro chopanda nzeru chomwe chimabisika kumbuyo kwa malingaliro osayenera. Ikhoza kukhala chikhulupiriro chimodzi chokha (mwachitsanzo, "chofunikira"), kapena zingapo.
4. Lowani mu zokambirana za Socrates ndi inu nokha. Cholinga chake ndikufunsa mafunso ndikuyesera kuyankha moona mtima. Ili ndi luso lomwe tonse tili nalo, limangofunika kutukuka.
Mafunso amtundu woyamba ndi otsimikizika. Dzifunseni motsatizana mafunso otsatirawa: N’chifukwa chiyani ndinaganiza choncho? Kodi pali umboni wotani wa zimenezi? Kodi nkuti kuti ndinayenera kuitanidwa kuphwando lobadwa limeneli? Kodi ndi mfundo ziti zimene zimatsimikizira zimenezi? Ndipo posakhalitsa zikuwonekeratu kuti palibe lamulo lotero - munthu amene sanayitane anangoyiwala, kapena anali wamanyazi, kapena kuganiza kuti kampaniyi sichikusangalatsani kwambiri - pangakhale zifukwa zambiri zosiyana. Mapeto anzeru angakhale akuti: “Sindimakonda kuitanidwa, koma zimachitika. Sakanayenera kuchita izi.”
Mkangano wachiwiri ndi pragmatic, wogwira ntchito. Kodi chikhulupiriro chimenechi chikundibweretsera chiyani? Kodi chikhulupiriro chakuti ndiyenera kuitanidwa ku tsiku langa lobadwa chimandithandiza bwanji? Ndipo nthawi zambiri zimakhala kuti izi sizithandiza mwanjira iliyonse. M’malo mwake, n’zokhumudwitsa. Mapeto omveka angakhale akuti: “Ndikufuna kuitanidwa pa tsiku langa lobadwa, koma ndikumvetsa kuti sangandiimbire foni, palibe amene ali wokakamizika.”
Mawu oterowo ("Ndikufuna") amalimbikitsa kuchitapo kanthu, kuyang'ana zofunikira ndi mwayi wokwaniritsa cholingacho. Ndikofunika kukumbukira kuti posiya zoyenera kuchita, sitisiya lingaliro lakuti sitikonda chinachake. M’malo mwake, timamvetsa bwino lomwe kusakhutira kwathu ndi mkhalidwewo. Koma panthawi imodzimodziyo, timadziŵa kuti ndi mmene zilili, ndipo timafunadi kusintha.
Mawu omveka oti "Ndikufunadi, koma sindiyenera kutero" ndi othandiza kwambiri kuposa "ndiyenera" kuthetsa mavuto ndi kukwaniritsa zolinga. Pokambirana ndi inu nokha, ndi bwino kugwiritsa ntchito mafanizo, zithunzi, zitsanzo za mafilimu ndi mabuku omwe amasonyeza kukhudzika kwanu ndikutsutsa. Mwachitsanzo, pezani filimu yomwe ngwaziyo sanakondedwe, kuperekedwa, kutsutsidwa, ndipo muwone momwe adathanira ndi vutoli. Ntchitoyi ndi yosiyana kwa munthu aliyense.
Kuvuta kwake kumadalira mphamvu ya zikhulupiriro ndi kulembedwa kwawo, pa kutengeka, maganizo komanso msinkhu wa maphunziro. Sizingatheke nthawi zonse kupeza nthawi yomweyo chikhulupiriro chomwe chiyenera kutsutsidwa. Kapena kutenga mikangano yolemetsa yokwanira "motsutsa". Koma ngati mupereka masiku ochepa kuti muwone, osachepera mphindi 30 tsiku lililonse, ndiye kuti chikhulupiriro chopanda nzeru chikhoza kudziwika ndikufooketsa. Ndipo mudzamva zotsatira zake nthawi yomweyo - ndikumva kupepuka, ufulu wamkati ndi mgwirizano.
Za Woyambitsa
Wotchedwa Dmitry Frolov - psychiatrist, psychotherapist, wapampando wa gawo la REBT la Association of Cognitive Behavioral Therapists, wolemba buku la "Psychotherapy ndi zomwe zimadyedwa ndi?" (AST, 2019).