Zamkatimu
Kudziwa kuti munthu amene timamukonda wasintha n’kopweteka kwambiri. Nchifukwa chiyani chisokonezo ichi chikuwoneka mu chiyanjano? Ngakhale kuti nkhani ya banja lililonse imakhala yosiyana nthawi zonse, mphunzitsi Arden Mullen amaganizira zifukwa zosaoneka zomwe zimayambitsa kusakhulupirika kwa mnzanu.
Biological predisposition
Kodi lingaliro lofala lakuti chiwerewere mwa amuna n’chozikidwa pa majini ndi kulamulidwa kokha ndi makhalidwe abwino chili ndi umboni uliwonse wa sayansi? Kukonda kwathu kugonana kumadalira kwambiri zochita za mahomoni ena. Komabe, kulamulira kwawo sikumayenderana ndi jenda.
Mwachitsanzo, jini yomwe imayambitsa kupanga dopamine (“hormone yachimwemwe”) imathandizira mchitidwe wachiwerewere wa amuna ndi akazi omwe. Akamalamulira mokangalika, ndiye kuti munthu amakhala ndi zosowa zapamwamba zogonana ndipo, mwina, sangakhale ndi mnzake wogonana naye m'modzi. Dopamine imapangidwa chifukwa cha kusangalatsa kwa thupi komwe, makamaka, kugonana kumapereka.
Kafukufuku akuwonetsa kuti oposa makumi asanu pa zana aliwonse a amuna ndi akazi omwe ali ndi mphamvu ya jiniyi samangokhalira kuchita zinthu zoopsa, komanso amabera abwenzi nthawi zambiri kuposa omwe ali ndi jini yofooka.
Hormoni ya vasopressin, yomwe imayang'anira kuthekera kolumikizana ndi kumvera chisoni, imalumikizidwanso ndi kuwongolera machitidwe ogonana. Umu ndi momwe zimakhalira nkhani za jenda - kuopsa kwa mahomoni awa mwa amuna kumafotokozera makonda awo okhulupilika kwa okondedwa.
Kodi zimenezi zikutanthauza kuti munthu amene ali ndi mtundu winawake wa majini amakunyengererani kwambiri? Inde sichoncho. Izi zikutanthauza kuti akhoza kukhala wokonda kwambiri, komabe, khalidwe lake limatsimikiziridwa osati ndi majini okha. Choyamba, makhalidwe aumwini amaganizo ndi kuya kwa ubale wanu ndizofunikira.
kusalingana kwachuma
Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti mabanja omwe amapeza ndalama zofanana sangachitirena chinyengo. Panthawiyi, amuna okwatira amene amapeza ndalama zambiri kuposa akazi awo amakhala osakhulupirika kwa iwo. Kafukufuku wochitidwa ndi katswiri wa zachikhalidwe cha anthu Christian Munsch (University of Connecticut) akusonyeza kuti amayi apakhomo amapeza okonda 5% ya nthawiyo. Komabe, ngati chisankho choyendetsa banja ndi kusamalira ana chimapangidwa ndi mwamuna, mwayi wa kusakhulupirika kwake ndi 15%.
Mikangano yosathetsedwa ndi makolo
Zokumana nazo zomwe zimativutitsa kuyambira tili ana zitha kuthandizira kuti mu ubale ndi mnzathu timabwereza zochitika zoyipa. Ngati makolo sankadziwa momwe angathetsere mavuto a m'banja ndipo nthawi zambiri amatsutsana, ndiye kuti ana amanyamula chitsanzo ichi cha maubwenzi akakula. Kusakhulupirika kwa mnzanu kumakhala njira yopewera kukambirana momasuka komanso moona mtima.
Makolo opondereza, olamulira mopambanitsa nthawi zambiri amakhala chifukwa chomwe timalangira mnzathu mosagwirizana ndi mayi kapena abambo chifukwa chakusakhulupirika. Ndipotu, mkwiyo ndi mkwiyo zimalunjikitsidwa kwa kholo, lomwe timapitiriza kukambirana naye mkati.
Ubale ndi mnzake wakale
Ngati wosankhidwa akadali wodzaza ndi kutentha, ngakhale malingaliro oipa kwa wokondedwa wakale, zikutheka kuti tsiku lina adzabwerera ku nkhani yakale. Adzafunikanso kuzindikira: kumaliza kapena kupitiliza.
Nthawi zambiri timatanthauzira molakwika mawu akuti "Ndimadana ndi wakale wanga". Izi sizikutanthauza kuti ubale watha, m'malo mwake, chidani ndi maganizo amphamvu omwe amasunga mgwirizano wamkati ndi munthu. Nthawi zina, izi zimatha kuyambitsa ubale watsopano.
Pakhoza kukhala zifukwa zambiri zomwe zingathe kukankhira mnzanu kunyenga. Komabe, nthawi zonse pali chisankho chamkati - kupita kukanyenga wokondedwa kapena ayi. Ndipo aliyense ali ndi udindo pa chisankho ichi.
Za woweruza: Arden Mullen ndi mphunzitsi, blogger.