"Nthawi ikuyenda!", "Kodi tingayembekezere kubwezeredwa liti?", "Kodi ikadali mochedwa pa msinkhu wanu?" Malangizo oterewa amapondereza akazi ndipo amawalepheretsa kupanga zisankho zanzeru pa nkhani yobereka ana.
Chinthu chomaliza chimene mkazi amafuna kumva ndicho kuuzidwa nthawi yoti akhale ndi ana. Komabe, anthu ambiri amaona kuti ndi udindo wawo kukumbutsa amayi kuti ndi bwino kuti amayi abereke msanga, pafupifupi zaka 25. Ku mikangano yanthawi zonse ya “biological wotchi”, iwo tsopano akuwonjezera kuti: nkhawa zambiri zabanja zimagwera pa ife.
Malinga ndi «alangizi», ife tokha ku moyo pakati pa «sangweji» mibadwo itatu. Tiyenera kusamalira ana aang’ono ndi makolo athu okalamba. Moyo wathu udzasanduka mkangano wosatha ndi matewera kwa ana ndi makolo ndi oyenda pansi, ana ndi ofooka, whims ndi mavuto a okondedwa opanda thandizo.
Polankhula za mmene moyo wotero umakhalira wotopetsa, iwo safuna kuuchepetsa. Zidzakhala zovuta? Tikudziwa kale izi - chifukwa cha akatswiri omwe akhala akutiuza kwa zaka zambiri momwe mimba yochedwa imakhalira yovuta. Sitifunika kukakamizidwa kwambiri, manyazi ndi mantha «kusowa» mwayi wathu.
Ngati mkazi akufuna kubereka msanga, msiyeni. Koma tikudziwa kuti zimenezi sizitheka nthawi zonse. Sitingakhale ndi ndalama zokwanira zothandizira mwana, mwina sitingapeze bwenzi loyenera. Ndipo si aliyense amene amafuna kulera yekha mwana.
Kuphatikiza pa "zovuta" zamtsogolo, mkazi yemwe sanakhale ndi mwana pofika zaka 30 amadzimva ngati wotayika.
Panthaŵi imodzimodziyo, timauzidwabe kuti popanda ana, moyo wathu ulibe tanthauzo. Kuwonjezera pa “zovuta” za m’tsogolo, mkazi amene sanabereke mwana pofika zaka 30 amadziona ngati wosafunika: anzake onse abereka mwana mmodzi kapena awiri, amangokhalira kukamba za chisangalalo cha kukhala mayi ndipo—mwachibadwa— yambani kuganizira kusankha kwawo kukhala koyenera.
Mwanjira zina, ochirikiza lingaliro la kukhala mayi woyambirira ali olondola. Ziwerengero zimasonyeza kuti chiwerengero cha mimba mwa amayi oposa 40 chawonjezeka kawiri kuyambira 1990. Zomwezo zimachitika mu gulu la amayi oposa 30. Ndipo mu zaka 25, chiwerengerochi, mosiyana, chimachepetsa. Komabe, sindikuganiza kuti pali chilichonse chodetsa nkhawa. Kukhala mbali ya «sangweji m'badwo» si zoipa. Ndikudziwa zomwe ndikuzinena. Ndinadutsamo.
Mayi anga anandibala ndili ndi zaka 37. Ndinakhala mayi ndili ndi zaka zomwezo. Pamene mdzukulu yemwe ankamuyembekezera kwa nthawi yaitali atabadwa, agogo aakazi anali achimwemwe komanso achangu. Bambo anga anakhala ndi moyo zaka 87 ndipo mayi anga anakhala ndi moyo zaka 98. Inde, ndinadzipeza ndili mumkhalidwe womwewo umene akatswiri a chikhalidwe cha anthu amautcha «mbadwo wa masangweji. Koma ili ndi dzina lina chabe la banja lalikulu, kumene mibadwo yosiyana imakhalira pamodzi.
Mulimonsemo, tiyenera kuzolowera mkhalidwewu. Masiku ano anthu akukhala ndi moyo wautali. Nyumba zabwino zosungirako anthu okalamba ndizokwera mtengo kwambiri, ndipo moyo kumeneko siwosangalatsa choncho. Kukhalira limodzi monga banja lalikulu, ndithudi, nkovuta nthaŵi zina. Koma ndi moyo wabanja uti umene umakhala wangwiro popanda zovuta zapakhomo? Timazolowerana komanso phokoso ngati ubale wathu uli wabwinobwino komanso wachikondi.
Koma tinene kuti tikasankha kukhala ndi ana, padzakhala mavuto.
Makolo anga ankandithandiza komanso kundichirikiza. Sanandinyoze kuti “sanakwatirebe.” Ndipo adawapembedza adzukulu awo pamene adabadwa. M’mabanja ena makolo ndi ana amadana. Amayi ena amakana malangizo aliwonse ochokera kwa amayi awo. Pali mabanja omwe muli nkhondo yeniyeni, kumene ena akuyesera kukakamiza malingaliro awo ndi malamulo awo kwa ena.
Koma nanga bwanji zaka? Kodi okwatirana achichepere omwe ali ndi ana amene ayenera kukhala pansi pa denga la makolo samakumana ndi mavuto ofananawo?
Sindikunena kuti kuchedwa kumayi sikubweretsa mavuto. Koma tinene kuti tikasankha kukhala ndi ana, padzakhala mavuto. Ntchito ya akatswiri ndi kutipatsa zambiri momwe tingathere. Timadikirira kuti atiuze za zotheka ndi kutithandiza kusankha, koma osakankhira izo, kusewera pa mantha athu ndi tsankho.
Za Wolemba: Michelle Henson ndi wolemba nkhani, wolemba nkhani wa The Guardian, komanso wolemba Life with My Mother, wopambana mu 2006 Book of the Year mphotho kuchokera ku Mind Foundation for the Mentally Ill.